Crazed
by Twizardck
Summary: Russia suffers a problem. Oneshot. Implied Russia/Lithuania. "Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. You're crazy, you know that? Do you hear me? I'm telling you right now, you're insane." Rated T to be safe.


**Crazed**

**A Twizardck production**

**I do not own Hetalia. If you think that I do, I love you, but you're wrong.**

O.o.O

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. You're crazy, you know that? Do you hear me? I'm telling you right now, you're insane. Loopy. There is something wrong in your head. But you already knew that, didn't you? You've known that all along. You're just afraid to admit it. Oh poor, demented child. You knew it.

I screamed. I was me right now. But You was starting to take over. Frightening You. The one who spelled the truth out right where it hurt, thrumming words of spite against my brain.

Bipolar, I had been told. I had gazed back at the nurse with lucid violet eyes, running it through my mind. Bipolar. It couldn't be. Impossible. A nation couldn't be bipolar.

But I'd come to understand that there must be some truth in her words. For there was I, and there was You. And they were two different people. But they were both in my head.

Since I knew what was coming, I snaked out my hand and pulled the bottle closer to myself, lifting it from the table and holding it protectively against my body. Cradled it, rubbed my gloved fingers along its cold stem. Better not to be aware of You when it came. Better to be drunk. Better not to know what happened.

The three across the table stared at me, fear shining in their eyes. Did they know that You was coming? Did they know that I was about to lose it? I brought the bottle to my lips, trembling, and downed the liquid fire. All of it. One swig. Gone.

The brunette winced and made to stand, but the tall blonde shoved him down again with his hand on his knee and a couple quick words. The smaller blonde ran from the room and the other two let him, staying, as if to keep You's attention on them, not on the little boy. Bless them.

"I'm sorry," I kept repeating. "I'm sorry. So sorry."

The brunette shook his head and smiled. As if to say, 'don't be sir. Don't be.' But he didn't speak. Any sounds not my own could trigger You coming faster. And none of us wanted that.

I blinked, and my sane consciousness fled to the back of my mind. Where there are sunflowers. Where I lay in a green meadow, riding the blissful waves of liquor, carrying peace to every land. I refused to even try and break through, for who knew what could be going on out there with You? The two men knew. They knew and they would sit there and take it and when control was relinquished back to me I'd see the evidence of their poor treatment. And I'd apologize more and it wouldn't do any good because I couldn't take back the fists, the knives, the glass.

A form appeared in the meadow, shorter than I, but then again, everyone was shorter than I. I squinted at it and found, surprised, that it was the brunette from out there. How had he gotten inside?

Fresh bruises. Cuts. Scrapes. And it was worse than usual. I cried out and stood, running towards him and dabbing at the blood with my sleeve. But he just smiled before he collapsed.

My screaming echoed around the meadow. I felt barriers shattering, pieces breaking. "You! You! Get OUT!" I threw my hands up in the air and wailed. But the control would not come back to me.

I fell to the ground, sobbing. You had hurt him. You had hurt him so much that he had fainted. And the other was still out there, and the third somewhere in the house, and You would find him. But what could I do? I was just I. The sane one, the right one, but the one with less power. What could I do?

Nothing. And You's laughter echoed around the meadow, followed by crashes and shrieks that I recognized as the tall blonde's. Not the brunette's. But at least the noise was coming. It was almost over if I was hearing it.

I was frightened of myself. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. I'm crazy. Insane. Loopy. There is something wrong. Bipolar. Violent. And the part of me that is sane… well that's pretty useless, now isn't it?

Sat and waited. Waited for the control back. Felt it first in my hands, which I made stop hitting. Felt it next in my feet, which I make stop kicking. Felt it travel up my entire body until I was seeing from my own eyes again. Looking down at two limp bloody forms.

Insane.

I'd done this.

No, You'd done this. And he would pay.

I crouched down next to the blonde, checked his pulse, checked his wounds. Saw he was healing. Then, frightened, moved to the brunette. Pulse there. But his wounds…

"Oh Liet. Liet, I'm sorry." I felt tears roll out of my eyes. The eyes that I knew must be cold amethyst, crazed, disturbed, even when You was gone. For I was afraid to admit it, but we were the same. The same person.

His eyes blinked open. "Mr. Russia," he tried, then coughed. Coughed up blood I saw with dismay. But he smiled. "I'm fine, Mr. Russia. Don't blame yourself. It isn't you." And then he fainted again.

I bit hard on my lip. "But it is You. It's You all this time. No… it's me isn't it?" And that's when the tears really started.

He recovered. He told me every day that he forgave me, but I saw the fear in his eyes. It hadn't been so prominent before. My family was even more fractured because of me.

But I kept my promise. You never came out again. I never clutched my vodka bottle close to me on late nights, never rattled out my apologies, never watched the little one run from the room while the two brave men stood their ground in front of the crazed monster in me.

I was stronger than that now.

O.o.O

Author's Note: Well um… For some reason I felt depressed tonight. And this is what came of that. Yes, it's a Russia and Lithuania fic, and no I don't ship that pairing. For some reason it made sense to my mind that this had to be Russia and Liet. Though ALL OF THAT STUFF above makes absolutely no sense, now does it? I don't even know where it came from. If you liked it (messed up you are) or enjoyed it (way more messed up) more power to you. If you understood it, I'm impressed. But this is way more dark and depressing than what I normally write. But now that I've gotten it out of my system I can go back to Rise of the Fallen Land with an open mind. So… review please?

And if you really can't understand this (I hardly can, and I wrote it) basically it is just that Russia has two personalities, I and You, and they are fighting for dominance. I is "sane" Russia, if that is possible, and You is violent, messed up, evil Russia. I wins, but not before You hurts Liet and Estonia and screws up Russia's life. Yeah, it's depressing. Deal with it?


End file.
